To all the Momma's out there,
How did you feel when you first found out that you were pregnant?
How did it feel? For some it must have been nerve wrecking, for some the happiest moment of their lives, some of you may have been petrified and some just felt nothing at all.
For me- I was happy, I was so nervous and yet so happy to know that a little human being was going to become a part of our lives. I loved her even before I knew I was pregnant, I loved her with all my heart. I was ready to be a mother, to be the best version of me. To hold her tiny hands, to kiss those chubby cheeks and show her the world; I didn't even know I was having a girl back then, what I knew was that I was ready.
I knew what kind of mum I wanted to be. I knew what was needed to be a good mom. I knew what I had to do and what kind of child I wanted to raise. How naive I was. Novice.
LOL when I look back now, four years and another child later, I laugh at myself. I honestly believed myself when I thought I would feel unconditional love for my child the moment I will hold her. You guessed it! I did not feel unconditional love for my daughter. I did not think she was the most beautiful child on the planet, in fact, I felt the opposite- the first thought that popped in my head was,'OMG! my child is so hairy'. I didn't feel an immediate overwhelming affection towards my daughter. I felt relieved that my 36 hours long labor was finally over and she and I were safe. For the first few hours she felt like a total stranger to me. It took me a little while, a few days even to actually feel the love that everyone talks about and the worst part was how bad it made me feel about myself, like I wasn't a good mother. I did everything right, changed her nappy, bathed her, played with her, fed her and yet for at least three days it felt like I was taking care of a strangers child. Then one day, all of a sudden it came, like a damn had exploded inside of me and I felt it, I felt it all. I held her tight, looked in her eyes and felt all the love in the world and I knew then that I know now, I would do anything, just anything for this girl, to protect her, love her and give her all the happiness in the world. So, its is ok if you ever felt the same, don't beat yourself up for it.(if it lasts more than a week or two and you are feeling down, anxious and finding it hard to cope please seek help- it is perfectly normal to suffer from postpartum depression and it needs medical intervention- doesn't make you a bad mother, if anything it make you a good mother.)
I remember once reading an exasperated mums plea on Facebook about what to do, her child wouldn't stop crying and all she wanted was a couple of hours of sleep, she had fed the baby, changed his nappy, held the baby, skin to skin and was now feeling borderline delusional, she did not have any help and we have all been in the same situation. This is what I told her and this is what I will tell anyone including my old self who tried to do everything at once-'Your sanity is the most important, you cannot take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself first. Take a step back. Place the child safely in his/her cot, step out of the room, go to another room, take a few deep breaths, remind yourself you are a good mother. CALM YOURSELF and then go back attend to your child, play white noise(you can find plenty on youtube) it must be louder than your child's cry, hold him/her and rock them steadily'. You see the thing is these tiny little creatures feed off our energies. If we are stressed, they get stressed, we are happy and they are happy. So, it is absolutely ok to leave the room for a few minutes to help you calm yourself. It does not make you a bad mother either.
Here is the thing, it is absolutely OK if you don't feel that overwhelming love. It is ok if you are not doing exactly what the society expects of you. It is ok if your child threw a tantrum in the supermarket and everyone was staring at you, it is ok if you don't read to your child EVERYDAY, it is OK if all your child ate today was cereal right out of the box, or that their socks don't match, it is ok if your house looks like a mini tornado paid a visit. It is ok if you asked for help when you did because you had to, it is great if you bought yourself something for a change instead of your child or your husband, it is fine that you had a cup of coffee when you were breastfeeding, or when you were pregnant, it is if you look like shit and couldn't give a shit about looking like shit!
IT IS OK, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!! The very fact that you soldier on everyday, even when you feel like you can't -makes you a great mother. If you don't believe me just ask your children, trust them when they say- 'you are the best mum in the whole world', they mean every word of it, they don't really know how to be politically correct. So, give yourself a big pat on the back and eat cake- you deserve it!
xoxo
How did you feel when you first found out that you were pregnant?
How did it feel? For some it must have been nerve wrecking, for some the happiest moment of their lives, some of you may have been petrified and some just felt nothing at all.
For me- I was happy, I was so nervous and yet so happy to know that a little human being was going to become a part of our lives. I loved her even before I knew I was pregnant, I loved her with all my heart. I was ready to be a mother, to be the best version of me. To hold her tiny hands, to kiss those chubby cheeks and show her the world; I didn't even know I was having a girl back then, what I knew was that I was ready.
I knew what kind of mum I wanted to be. I knew what was needed to be a good mom. I knew what I had to do and what kind of child I wanted to raise. How naive I was. Novice.
LOL when I look back now, four years and another child later, I laugh at myself. I honestly believed myself when I thought I would feel unconditional love for my child the moment I will hold her. You guessed it! I did not feel unconditional love for my daughter. I did not think she was the most beautiful child on the planet, in fact, I felt the opposite- the first thought that popped in my head was,'OMG! my child is so hairy'. I didn't feel an immediate overwhelming affection towards my daughter. I felt relieved that my 36 hours long labor was finally over and she and I were safe. For the first few hours she felt like a total stranger to me. It took me a little while, a few days even to actually feel the love that everyone talks about and the worst part was how bad it made me feel about myself, like I wasn't a good mother. I did everything right, changed her nappy, bathed her, played with her, fed her and yet for at least three days it felt like I was taking care of a strangers child. Then one day, all of a sudden it came, like a damn had exploded inside of me and I felt it, I felt it all. I held her tight, looked in her eyes and felt all the love in the world and I knew then that I know now, I would do anything, just anything for this girl, to protect her, love her and give her all the happiness in the world. So, its is ok if you ever felt the same, don't beat yourself up for it.(if it lasts more than a week or two and you are feeling down, anxious and finding it hard to cope please seek help- it is perfectly normal to suffer from postpartum depression and it needs medical intervention- doesn't make you a bad mother, if anything it make you a good mother.)
I remember once reading an exasperated mums plea on Facebook about what to do, her child wouldn't stop crying and all she wanted was a couple of hours of sleep, she had fed the baby, changed his nappy, held the baby, skin to skin and was now feeling borderline delusional, she did not have any help and we have all been in the same situation. This is what I told her and this is what I will tell anyone including my old self who tried to do everything at once-'Your sanity is the most important, you cannot take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself first. Take a step back. Place the child safely in his/her cot, step out of the room, go to another room, take a few deep breaths, remind yourself you are a good mother. CALM YOURSELF and then go back attend to your child, play white noise(you can find plenty on youtube) it must be louder than your child's cry, hold him/her and rock them steadily'. You see the thing is these tiny little creatures feed off our energies. If we are stressed, they get stressed, we are happy and they are happy. So, it is absolutely ok to leave the room for a few minutes to help you calm yourself. It does not make you a bad mother either.
Here is the thing, it is absolutely OK if you don't feel that overwhelming love. It is ok if you are not doing exactly what the society expects of you. It is ok if your child threw a tantrum in the supermarket and everyone was staring at you, it is ok if you don't read to your child EVERYDAY, it is OK if all your child ate today was cereal right out of the box, or that their socks don't match, it is ok if your house looks like a mini tornado paid a visit. It is ok if you asked for help when you did because you had to, it is great if you bought yourself something for a change instead of your child or your husband, it is fine that you had a cup of coffee when you were breastfeeding, or when you were pregnant, it is if you look like shit and couldn't give a shit about looking like shit!
IT IS OK, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!! The very fact that you soldier on everyday, even when you feel like you can't -makes you a great mother. If you don't believe me just ask your children, trust them when they say- 'you are the best mum in the whole world', they mean every word of it, they don't really know how to be politically correct. So, give yourself a big pat on the back and eat cake- you deserve it!
xoxo
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