When I asked my daughter what happiness meant to her- she said, 'it is when we feel excited' and what made her happy was when I tickle her or smile at her- as simple as that. So, are we complicating things as adults? They say happiness is a state of mind but it is not as easy as it sounds, is it?
I remember once I said to someone, "you know what- this year I will just be happy, I will not let anything get in my way to happiness" and my friend just looked at me funny and said the most obvious-"you can't just be happy Ankita-what will you do if your loved one dies". Of course I will be sad then-like duh!!. What I meant was not that I will be happy 24/7 but what I meant was that I will not let small things effect me. I have tried to change my perspective by asking myself one question every time some thing bothers me- "how important is this to me, is it worth ruining my whole day or someone else day/week/moth over it". For the most of you who know me personally, will know that overall I am a happy person, sure I need a LOT of improvement(I am working on it) but generally speaking I am happy but it wasn't always the case.
About two years ago I went through a very rough patch. I wasn't in the right head space, it effected my personal life immensely, somehow, I had this idea stuck in my head that everything has to be perfect. I had to be a perfect wife, a perfect mother, a perfect daughter, a perfect employee and in trying to be all those I wasn't doing anything right. I took on too much, more than I could handle. I wasn't happy, I was expecting to much from myself and it started to take a toll on my health, my marriage, my child and my work. I wanted to do everything and I couldn't do anything. I wanted my house to be perfectly clean and would spend hours on it, dishes HAD to done everyday, my family had to eat a perfectly balanced meal every time, if my husband didn't enjoy what I made it would spoil my mood and make me angry at him, as if he HAD to enjoy EVERYTHING I made. In my journey to happiness I dragged him along- I took on too much myself and then complained that he wasn't pulling his weight around the house/relationship for insignificant things, things that I could let go off. I somehow blamed him for my unhappy state of mind when he was just being himself, until one day I had an epiphany- I was chasing an impossible dream. I was expecting the world around me to change according to me without realising that the change has to start from within. The moment I realised this I felt my body relax, for the first time in years I felt I could breath. I felt like instead of drowning I was actually floating, I felt light and I felt calm. Everything around me changed.
I started making small changes, accepting my imperfections, understanding my short comings, I was now trying to accept myself. I realised that there was no point in worrying about my messy house, it simply means we live here; we are making memories. I realised, I didn't need a bigger house or a bigger car as what we have is fulfilling its purpose. I realised that it was ok to just eat toast and eggs for dinner. It was ok that my body wasn't the same as it was before I had my daughter. I didn't need my husband to say he loves me anymore because it showed in small gesture for example him going and buying my girly products of the grocery list or fixing things around the house. I understood then that I didn't need my team member to change according to me but I had to put in efforts to understand them, I understood that it was ok if I made mistakes and be silly. It was a long hard process, it took a long time to let go of various issues, I still do struggle sometimes but I am getting there.
So yes, I did just stop being sad and I did just start being happy. It was that simple for me but I know it is not that same process for everyone, people have bigger problems, life sometimes just gets in the way, our loved ones get sick, we lose some loved ones, our health prevents us from being happy-there is no one size fits all approach and it is easier said than done but this was MY journey and now like my daughter happiness is when my daughter tickles me and if someone smiles at me. Happiness is now building a tent in my house and reading books to my daughter. Happiness is siting at home with my husband doing nothing in particular, Happiness is seeing my loved ones healthy and happy, happiness for me stopping and smelling the roses. Happiness is feeling passionate about work. Happiness is being harmony with myself. Happiness is a state of mind for me.
What is your happiness for you?
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